I Definitely Don't Have it All Together

Hi.

That is a big picture of me. And a very raw picture of me in the morning, at that. 

So, I have been wanting to try a little something new. A segment for some thoughts on life. A place to share other creative projects besides food. Maybe a place for a little encouragement, because Lord knows, we can all use some encouragement. A place where I can Love Simply.

 I will tell you, I am not a writer. But, I do know how to carry a conversation. So, please excuse my poor writing and view it as if I am talking to you (whoever may be reading). Because, essentially, that is what I'm doing. 

This past year, or more specifically, these past few months have been one of the most changing times in my life. I feel alive. Like really alive. Not just living each day wandering, going through the motions like a zombie (as my mom calls it). Not just feeling happy when things are good or feeling sad and frustrated when things are bad. I feel joy. I feel growth. I feel self-confidence not because I'm all that but because I am finding out who I really am. Wow. I turned 30 in 2016. Is this what people in their 30s were talking about? That the 30s are the best years?

In a time of Social Media rampaging our culture, I am sure you have heard this so many times before, but so much of the content is filtered. Filtered to make the photo look better. Filtered to only share the great news in our lives. Filters with cute farm animals that change your voice. Filters. So many filters. And what does that equate? NOT REAL LIFE! Ha. Don't get me wrong, I have and appreciate some forms of Social Media and I do have fun with the silly filters on snap chap. But, my goal? My goal is to not portray my everyday life, my everyday being, with something filtered. I want you to see me. The real me. My real life.

Most of my content is healthful food (never filtered but with edits in lighting and contrast). I do my best to feed my family organic, wholesome food. But you know what? That doesn't happen all the time. And I want you to know that. I want you to know that sometimes we go through the in-n-out drive thru (like tonight). Most days I stay in my pajamas with my hair a dirty, messy bun (and NOT the cute pinterest messy bun) way too long into the day. Sometimes ALL day. 

I lose my temper and yell. I am easily agitated in the mornings because I am not a morning person. I don't drink enough water. I sneak pieces of chocolate when the girls aren't looking. I hate laundry. I get annoyed. I blurt out really blunt things. The list can go on. I am imperfect.

Before, I was wasting my days trying to prove myself worthy. Worthy of a friendship. Worthy as a wife. Worthy as a mother. Worthy as a daughter. Worthy as a sister. Striving for perfection. Trying to maintain a certain reputation I have worked so hard to create.

But guess what. I am done. I am done! Of course it is a journey and I will continue to fight this silly thought that I have to have it all together to be worthy. But that is the beauty of it all. It's a journey. I know where I am headed. Guys, I know where I am headed. For the first time in my life, I feel that clearly and definitely. I don't have it all together. I never will. But I am looking at the One who does. And the only One who ever will.