I lack nothing.

How's that for a title? Some of you may have read that and thought, "Geeze, this girl went from saying 'I definitely don't have it all together' to complete overconfidence." But, hear me out.

Growing up, I have created a mask for myself. A mask of self-confidence, the "I don't care what people think of me" mask, the mask that I tried to hide all my insecurities behind. Well, it turns out..it's true - truth wins. Truth prevails and we're given the chance to shatter those masks. Maybe not right away, but at some point, it shows face. And thank God that it does. Because living behind masks is no way to live at all.

I'll be completely frank with you all. The season that my husband and I are in is a tough one (for us). And let me tell you, me even being able to say that is huge. Huge because I have always felt shame in letting myself admit that our season was a challenging one. My problems are hardly problems at all - I told myself. "Our kids are happy and healthy. All of our needs are met. There are people with real problems out there. People with cancer. Abandoned children who live day in and day out wondering if anyone would ever call them son or daughter. Those are real problems. Not mine." I would replay this in my head over and over again.

Then one afternoon, I experienced this sudden burst of emotion. I couldn't hold it together any longer. I let my guard down. It all came out and I suddenly felt freer. I let myself say the words, "This sucks. This IS hard. It's hard for ME. This is MY journey. People that know me know that I am grateful. They know my heart. And the others? It's okay." And the tears flowed. 

Through this journey, one of the biggest lessons we have learned is the importance of really, truly, completely stepping out of what society says we should do/feel/act/look. Because guess what? You get to that goal and it is NEVER enough. So, how do we MAKE it enough? A heart of contentment. "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. (Psalm 23:1)"

I have grown up in church my whole, entire life. My dad was a Pastor. I have heard that verse soooooo many times. Truth be told, it was one of those verses I heard and would think "yeah yeah, I know" with an eye roll. But the irony of it all? That verse has FINALLY come alive to me. Today. 30 years later, I am beginning to understand what it means. 

This morning started out with stress. My husband and I were having a conversation and it was just totally stressing us out. There are a lot of unknowns for us right now. The conversation ended and he left for the day. I calmed myself down by speaking truth to myself (literally, out loud). As the day went on, I realized that I felt peace. I felt CONTENT. I was in the sand playing with my youngest for almost 2 hours. Pushing her on the swing and feeling complete joy seeing her laugh. My eyes locked with her eyes. I wasn't worrying about tomorrow. I wasn't on Instagram looking at what everybody else and their moms were up to. I was content with today. Not looking ahead and not looking behind. What goes before me is going to happen no matter what.

As I sit here, writing this...thinking about this game-changing shift in my mind, I tell myself..."Just be content with what is in front of me today. Do my very best with today. Be present. Aim to live life like this every single day. When I have plenty. And when I have little. My cup overflows. I lack nothing. Then the gratitude and the joy ignite while the want dies. And there I go. Another step closer to living in freedom.